somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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