I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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