I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
