yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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