My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
