i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
