I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
