we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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