When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
