I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
