I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found your dick twin last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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