If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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