I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
