I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
