Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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