I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
