So drunk its hurt
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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