My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
