I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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