your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
