The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
