come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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