DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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