I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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