guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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