My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
