I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
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that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
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the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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