i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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