Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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