you have to choose: penises or morals?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
