you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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