May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
