She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
