I wish my penis had an off switch
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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