I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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