Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
