you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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