apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
