Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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