He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
