how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
