I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
