how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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