I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
