If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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