Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
