Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
