I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
