I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
