thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i think i just lost a toe
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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