Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
