did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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