the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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