I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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