I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
