she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is Oprah even human
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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