I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
