thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
