I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
