My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
