Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
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I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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