Rock
Scissors
Fuck
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
