Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
