They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
