There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
