The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
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Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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