at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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