Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
