Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
