If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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