I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize