Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
