I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just puked most of my soul out..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
