Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
