Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
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Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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