Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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