if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
