you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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