she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
