he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
