Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
