Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
