GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
